my dear
hasn't been too well lately. she's currently away from dA for an unspecified amount of time. the night she posted her latest journal she was VERY upset, and we were arguing a little.. of course, we've made amends since then. I posted my own last journal after she told me she had deactivated. I know now that she didn't, but for some reason the idea of it upsets me.
anyway, she claimed to not wanna do art anymore, but she's sending me notebook doodles as she usually does during school. I know the art drive her. *knows her password and is tempted to upload some of the doodles*
I wanna help her. really, but it's hard. we're both gonna need to change a little, and I know I'm gonna have to change first. not just to be a better girlfriend for her but to encourage her and give her at least some spark of hope. I need to stop losing my temper and ranting about the people that upset her. that sure as hell isn't gonna help anything. I wanna be a good listener for her again. of course, knowing that she's constantly feeling utterly horrible and being made feel horrible by people eats away at me. Its emotionally draining, but to just stop because of that would be selfish on my part. I need to get my patience back and be more supportive like I was. I'll admit I can be a little selfish, mean, and even childish. I wanna try to NOT be those things as much as possible, for both of us. I'm starting today. She means a lot to me, she really does